The truth is, I am a radical at heart, and there’s this thing in me that knows I am just waiting, waiting for…for what? For a leader to follow passionately and boldly? For someone to go first? I look at the church in Acts, and those who followed after You – and it cost them everything. And even if doesn’t cost me my life here – shouldn’t it cost me more than I’m giving? Is it that I’m unwilling? Is it that the time is not right? Is it that I am afraid? Jesus, I pray you show me. How do I give my all? How do I live this life radically for You?
– journal excerpt [January 10, 2009]
Sometimes, when I look back, I can fool myself into thinking that what I left just four weeks ago was exactly the life I wanted. But the truth is, even though there was so much to love back home, the core of me always knew: I was destined for different things. And I don’t mean “bigger” things, because every place and every role has its significance in God’s eyes. I really just mean different things.
God is fulfilling in me now desires, and passions, and joys that I’ve tried so long to satisfy…but all the while, He was simply moving me…before I even knew I was going anywhere.