UGH! (That’s my favorite interjection right now. 🙂 Honest Holly-moment…I miss you all a lot (and that’s an understatement!). The Puyallup School District contacted me and told me that I’m being recalled…and it just brought about a lot of feelings. I mean, I knew I’d be recalled eventually, and I knew I’d have to pass at least once or twice. But, I don’t know. It’s like, all of a sudden, I’m in Bangkok…and it feels more like a choice than before. I just chose this life over my old one. Just makes it harder.
(Karshner friends, I cannot believe it about Sarah — wish I could have at least seen everyone’s reaction to her return. Amazingly AWESOME!)
So first, let me tell you what I don’t feel. I don’t feel regret, or disappointment, or frustration. I don’t feel like I made the wrong decision. In fact, God has been gracious in making very clear that I am supposed to be here right now. No doubt. I’m at peace with where I am and so delighting in all I have here in Thailand.
Yet at the same time, I am feeling deeply sad that I’m missing out on life with all of you, and I’m kind of afraid of what the future holds (I know, this I shouldn’t feel). I want so badly to trust God in these next few years…but it is so hard. I always knew I was a planner, but I didn’t realize a synonym for that is control freak. I have to know what’s happening all the time.
So I will find rest in what I do know. I know that God will make clear my next step when the time comes. I know that God is in control (even when I think I am). I know that God’s plans for my life are far better and greater than my own. I know that His love for me is unfathomable.
I am hoping, pleading that I can go back to Puyallup in the next couple years and, in a sense, continue what was started there. But, this too, He knows. And though my battle cry sometimes turns into a weak, hesitant whisper, I will still surrender…for He is worthy.
Jesus, my life is yours.