I don’t know why, but there are a strange number of things we say and do in the name of maturity. Like, for some reason, it feels good to say we’ve grown out of this or that…and as “mature” adults or “mature” Christians we talk less and less about our battles with insecurities and doubts. (I think C.S. Lewis had something to say about this in Screwtape Letters, but the exact words aren’t coming to me.) Oh sure, my insecurities are certainly not what they were during adolescence, but it seems to me that as long as my pride remains…there they will be also.
So what is it for you? I know it feels silly to even bring attention to them, but one such insecurity in my life is shopping. I know, ridiculous, isn’t it? This should be the pinnacle of a woman’s enjoyment (you get the point), and yet it’s something that gives me so much grief and stress. I feel like somehow I missed the boat. I can never find the sales or the right size. I never know what’s trendy or in style. And even when I find something I like or when I scope out a great deal, I’m too indecisive to do anything about it! Ugh, the frustration! This may sound so dumb, but to me it’s just more evidence that I am failing as a woman. Just add it to the list of womanly things I can’t do: shop, bake, cook, fix my hair…
Maybe some of you know what I mean. It’s like, I know those thoughts are irrational, and I am utterly confident that Jesus adores me no matter how I shop, and I know that someday, even, my future husband will really appreciate my shopping inabilities. But, it’s just hard because the lies still taunt me and my feelings don’t always follow logic.
Well, at any rate, I say all this because today — can you believe it — I had a wonderful day of shopping. I went to the weekend market. I finished Christmas shopping. I even bought some things for myself (like the scarves pictured above). And, it just felt good. Not because it really does add any worth to my name or make me more of a woman. It feels good, because I know that Jesus is gently telling me that He cares about these silly insecurities too (simply because I do), and He’s got me covered. He understands, and His grace reaches even into my futile shopping efforts.