God led me to a dead end recently. After a couple years of praying diligently for breakthrough and seeking direction from God, it seemed like things in my life were finally coming together. I felt like I had renewed vision. I felt like things were starting to make sense. I felt like I could dream again. And then, unexpectedly, God shut the door.
I can’t say I’m not thankful, because He rescued me from a situation that could have been really bad. He saw what I couldn’t see, and He brought about things that revealed it. But, you know, it’s still hard.
Here I am, right where I left off. Weary of hoping for something different. Unable to even think about what the future might hold. Here I am, able to trust Him with today but struggling to have faith for tomorrow. And I hate to admit it, but it’s like I’ve begun to wonder if God’s promises are for everybody else but me. Have you been there before?
And when I say that, I really just mean some of His promises. Because I can believe that God is my Comforter, My Strength, my Deliverer, my Joy — He really has been so faithful and kind to my heart. I can believe that He will use it all for His glory. I can believe that eternity matters more anyway. But when I read that God’s plans are to prosper me, when I hear the scripture that says He grants me my deepest desires when I delight in Him, when I’m told of the blessing God has for me and my children, I find myself wondering if He really means me.
Isn’t that just what the enemy of our souls wants to do — to convince us that somehow we are the exception? That somehow God’s mercy, faithfulness, or unconditional love is for everybody else…but us?
So tonight, as God revealed these doubts I’ve been trying to ignore, He reminded me that I can’t just pick and choose what to believe about Him — or His Word. That either He is who He says He is, or He’s not. Either all His promises are true, or they’re not. Either He is worthy of all my trust, or I’m wasting my time.
It’s the great paradox of God’s character. The tension we live in. That He is a God who calls us to suffering, and yet a God who takes joy in fulfilling the desires and dreams planted deep within. A God who asks us to die to ourselves, and yet promises us abundant life beyond what we can imagine. A God who tells us to be content in Him, and yet to contend for more. And if I only embrace one part, I’m simply not seeing Him clearly.
So here’s to letting God reveal to each one of us those truths that we unknowingly disregard — whether out of fear, or doubt, or brokenness. Here’s to believing Him for all that He is, and not tailoring it to what we see and feel today. Here’s to embracing dead ends and relentless hope…all at the same time.
For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory. [2 Corinthians 1:20]